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After the Abuse: A Story of Healing

Just a friendly reminder for anyone who needs it:)

Forward Walking

I hope that you have never had to go through the pain of an abusive relationship. If you have, my heart goes out to you. Because healing from such a relationship is almost as hard as the relationship itself. It’s a struggle, a battle to come out happy, healthy, and whole. The following is one such story from a friend of mine who wishes to remain anonymous. If you are struggling to heal from abuse (or from any other malady of the soul), I hope that you can learn as she did to “breathe, rise up, and reach out.” — Vanae

It was 4:15 in the morning, and these were the thoughts running through my head:

“How did I become ‘that woman?’  Why do I still want to be with him? That is so sick. I hate myself for still loving him. I shouldn’t still love him. I shouldn’t want him every…

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Carry On

The Big Freak Out

If for some reason this link does not work for you will you please let me know. xoxonicole

After All That…

She was surprised to find that she still knew the words to the song in her heart… and she began to sing along……

For Christmas a dear friend of mine, Joshua Robinson, gave me a wonderful book of poetry.  Let me just take a moment here for Josh.  Josh is AH-MAZING!  I love this man so much.  I met this man almost two years ago at the Scera Theatre in Orem, Utah.  We were in the musical Funny Girl together.  My first interactions with Josh took place in rehearsal for a dance number.  He was to twirl me to the right and I would always try to twirl to  the left.  We became besties and I love him forever.  Josh is a very talented actor.  He is one of those people that knows every thing about everything.  If I have a random question I always text Josh because he seems to always have the answer. Whenever I hear the song Chicago by Sufjan Stevens I think of Josh.  This is because if I were ever to get in a van and drive to NYC it would be with Josh.  All things go.  All things go.  When I miss Josh I listen to this song.  Today I have already listened to it four times.  I guess what I am trying to say is that I love you Josh.  I miss you my little fish.

Josh and I

Back to poetry.  I love poetry.  Anyone who truly knows me well knows that I can sit for hours and read poetry.  Josh gave me two poetry books for Christmas.  One is a book of selected poems by Emily Dickinson.  Love her.  I have a big book of her poems my Grandmother gave me when I was a young girl.  I treasure it.  The one Josh gave me is great because I can throw it in my purse when I am on the go.  The other book Josh gave me is entitled 101 Poems that Could Save Your Life.  It is brilliant!  There is a chapter called Don’t Let the Bastards Get You Down.  When I first read that I laughed and then immediately turned to the chapter and read it all!  lol!  One of my favorites for the chapter is Invictus by W. E. Henley which I was already very familiar with.  This poem always has the power to put my on my feet.

Out of the night that covers me,
      Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
      For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
      I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
      My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
      Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
      Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
      How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
      I am the captain of my soul.
My other favorite poem from the chapter is by Maya Angelou.  LOVE THIS! Josh and I slammed this poem up a number of times!   Still I Rise:
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
’Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
’Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own backyard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.
Thank you Heavenly Father for words.  Thank you for poetry.  Thank you for the ones who create it.  When I read or listen to it I am reminded of the words to the song that is in my heart and I begin to sing along…
She happily set free her heart.

Down with Downton

Downton Abbey.  Best show on PBS ever!  EVER!  Season 2 begins soon.  Check it out!


Downton Abbey | Masterpiece | PBS.